We are paying attention and if you see, your mind might try to make this unimportant, so watch out for that. We are paying attention to the idea we have defended. If Master ever prevented myself from doing anything or falling in love deeply, if I can remember it’s because I most often carried an idea of doing things well, almost like being a champ in whatever I do and I have seen how much that idea hurt me when I was younger.
Like when I do, I do well. That idea has made me… has prevented me from doing many things because of that idea, because I have to be true to that idea. So I will not allow myself to fail, make mistakes and learn from it. And that idea was very soon broken when I came to the city and lived when everything was reduced to merely getting by and what happened is that idea could not sustain itself and I dropped that idea. Then when I started learning this, when this started becoming awake in me, I entered it by thinking I am not going to make it. You understand, you are learning something but thinking you are not going to make it, and I became okay with it.
When I heard Osho or Krishnamurti speak, I said I don’t understand what these guys are talking about but I became resolved within me to say it’s okay, I can be a failure too. Remember, when I say I can be a failure too it is not an idea, it is a breaking of an idea, because up to that point I was quite a champ, everything I did, I did well and that idea disturbed until one day that idea was no more, I was rested. In that rest I fell in love. I fell in love with whatever that was awakening in me. It’s not that I fell in love with something outside, I fell in love with whatever that was awakening in me. And actually what was happening was love was awakening in me and everything outside was an excuse for that love to flow.
Now what is the idea that has imprisoned you? What is the idea that has held you?
Like some people may have an idea that they don’t want to be stupid and let me tell you that is a very stupid idea. Some people will say – I will never listen to anybody, I’m in control, as they have an idea they are in control.
These ideas kind of give you a sense of self, why was this idea birthed in the first place? I think it is the original hurt. It’s because of the original hurt that you created an idea not to get hurt.
If you felt like a fool and you were hurt by feeling like a fool, you created an idea that I will not be a fool and in creating the idea you will not be a fool, you have just become a fool. See sir? If we look at it, can we sit without an idea and become available to whatever that is rising in us? And whatever that is rising in you is rising to love but you are afraid, let’s acknowledge that. There is a deep fear and I am saying that fear is based on the idea, and you are afraid that idea will break and you will experience the same hurt again. Like you are afraid to ask about something because you’re afraid you will be a fool. That means you have been hurt by being a fool. So you don’t want to feel that hurt again.
Now what is that idea that you are holding onto that is preventing love from happening to you as you?
An idea is a thought, it’s a thought concentrated, it’s just an idea. What is the idea you carry about you? Because a life without love happening cannot be a proper life. We are observing something so beautiful, we are observing the idea that we carry about ourselves is nothing but a tool to prevent maybe some past hurts and we are holding onto that idea so we may not experience the hurt again but that same idea prevents me from rising to the love I can be. For many people just not experiencing that hurt again becomes the entire quest of their life. I would like you to look at it. You see the idea also is what you sell somebody else.
Maybe the art of sitting is to sit without an idea. Then you can sit as your love. Something has to be seated, it’s either the idea or your love.
Understand this, the difficulty of this is this way, the brain has never walked beyond that idea, the entire brain movement is to preserve that idea. This means every action I do, every thought, every reaction is nothing but to hold onto that idea and the entire movement is only dedicated to preserving that idea and I am saying you don’t know anything beyond that movement.
That is why when you fall in love, something else has happened, it creates such chaos because when you fall in love, you can only fall in love when the idea was not there for a moment. That is why you only fall in love with someone with whom you can be nobody with. You cannot fall in love with someone while being somebody.
You have to almost be a nobody and only then love happens. So when love somehow happens accidentally, you are nobody for that moment and then the idea comes. Being nobody is what you call being vulnerable – I am helpless. Actually it is not that helplessness and vulnerability means being weak. It just means you are being without an idea. You are being innocent, you are just being there and in just being there, love takes root.
Over and over again, it is shown that people who do well in this life are those who fell in love with something. They were in love with something; not someone, something … maybe a profession, a job, they loved it, they loved every bit of it. That means to that thing, they managed to exist as a nobody.
It’s very strange, this is what I do when people get very close to me, I won’t do it anymore, that’s what I’m saying, I insult, I’ll make fun of them one way or another. I somehow keep them around me being a nobody, only then their love will survive. The moment they become somebody, then they start selling that somebody to me. Now I have to tiptoe around them keeping that idea alive.
If you can understand, I am offering you a state suspended from ideas, simply being, allowing what is to happen to happen… and always love happens. And you have to find out in life where does your love happen, in what part of life do you love and that becomes your living and then you are never bored a day in your life.
Now to the depth you hold your idea, you hold onto that idea because you believe if you put it down, you would be abused. Maybe this is the only way to settle it, be okay being abused, be okay being laughed at, be okay being nobody, be okay being nothing.
When I quit everything and decided to just meditate, or do whatever I did at that time, I did it with the commitment that if this is all that the rest of my life was, I’m good. If nothing else happens and I just meditate for the rest of my life being anonymous, nobody knows me … I sit in a house, quietly meditate and do something for survival, just find some money and I was very skilled at that at that time. I was okay, I signed up to be nobody.
Now what is the idea that is preventing you? Let’s narrow it down – what is the idea? Many of you will have an idea of – I will be forsaken. If I don’t hold on to this idea that I am special, people will make me nothing. Maybe you must be ready to live that out, that it’s okay.
We are sitting together today and we are paying attention to our idea and we are seeing that this idea prevents the yogam (blessings) from becoming awakened and I’m saying yogam is your love, because I have seen whenever I love anything I become its yogam.
What is that idea? First just be conscious of that idea, the moment you are conscious of that idea you slowly put a gap between you and it and it happens by itself.
The more you are conscious, the more you will put a gap and the more love happens, all of this happens very naturally by itself. Now today, if you can become very conscious of your idea and you can be very still with it and you don’t run away from it, you just stay with it and in that staying, this energy called love will happen to you as you.
If somebody asks me who am I, I think I have an answer for them, I am the love that happened to me for my Masters. I am the love that happened to me for my Masters, when I fell in love it’s not even my Masters, when I fell in love that love to my Master is me. They loved me that I know but that is secondary, that love that happened to me for them, that love is me. Wow!
And that love is enough, I don’t have to have an idea, I can be a fool, I can be anything, it doesn’t matter to me at all. And I know you know … many of you, you love, I know, love has happened to you, I know, I know.
Just sometimes you can’t put down the idea, isn’t it? I know you love. This I see in my disciples eyes. My disciples love, I happen to be the excuse but they love and when I look into their eyes I can see what has happened to me, that love they have for me, that love is them.
How difficult it is, how difficult it has been made for us to survive our innocence. How difficult it is is made for us to survive not knowing, which is innocence … I am saying your yogam is waiting to burst forth; just the idea is in the way. The idea gets stronger the more you get hurt, the less hurt, the more loose you become. This idea is preventing you from going full throttle into your own life and living too.
We are studying about your yogam, about the awakening of your yogam, I guess the awakening of your yogam is the awakening of you as that love you should be.
But the love can only actualise itself when the idea is dropped. It is there, it is happening, I’m just quickening it and I’m addressing the fear. One of the fears I had to transcend long ago is to be nobody and at one point I signed up. Okay, sign me up, I will be another nobody.
We are breathing together and paying attention to the ideas we have created and we can see how it prevents us from being the love we can be which is the yogam that we are. We are breathing together, we are paying attention.
Maybe the true meaning of life is to live in a way that your love is lived out. Now pay attention for a few minutes.