I have nothing to look forward to or to expect. Life has been a routine for now and I am not even trying to change it. I am not happy, not sad, just in the middle, very forgetful.
I feel I am longing for something without knowing what it is?
All that is without meaning, or meaningless things have been made important, and almost all are a victim to this. You are never allowed to see what the real meaning of your life is. Almost all your desires and your longings are made by others and by the world…
One is in this trap, not knowing it’s a trap, and goes on hoping it will give meaning and fulfilment, one never wakes up and one goes on trying again and again, and sometimes goes with another thing, but never seeing that there is no point to all this…
If you have ever been exposed to television, or movies and all this that we call entertainment, then you would have learned by now to desire what all else desire, what one wants.
You must know all these tools are nothing but a way to make you want things, and to see the popular wants. Now almost everyone wants to be a hero, everyone wants relationships because of the way it’s sold, and this goes on and on … this fantasy is so deep and you have given your energy to these lies. And these are lies because it’s not you, it’s not your desire, it’s not what will fulfil you…
Just make money and be the richest man on earth or anything like that, how can that be enough? One has to be very stupid for that to be enough. If it has something to do with one’s awakening or the more, then I understand, but for most, just that is enough…
I have known people who are in sports or singers and that is their life, but when you look deep into them you’ll see it’s just a desire running; a very young desire, to be this and that, and all these people will fall. They will reach a point in where they will come to ask – what is the point? A deep meaninglessness and then this will come up, a deep longing for something, not knowing what…
When you really know them, why do you see so much pain in the lives of many famous people’s lives? You see so much pain, so many psychological problems. You hear and read about this, but you still desire what they do, you wish you were them, but this is a lie. You are brainwashed to want that, and that is the part of you that tries to make it about yourself, and that is the attraction, that is the addiction.
To even come to know this longing is a chance, somehow you are not totally sold and there is a part of you which is alive that is looking. For all that you have done has not given you any meaning, any fulfilment … and now there is nowhere to go… But this is just a feeling, the brain is still looking at the outside, looking at the things one is sold about what life is about.
For this to settle, one has to be silent and be with oneself for oneself and see for oneself… If not one is sold by something others have given you, and almost everyone is selling you something. This is the nature of everyone, to make their life meaningful, they sell what they are doing and living by as the desired state and you will get influenced.
Almost everyone’s life is boring and without meaning, and if there is a meaning, they made it up, it’s a story they tell themselves and it always has a future to it, as for now there is nothing in it.
My question to many has been – if this is enough for you, is this desire enough, is this that you are seeking enough?
My answer is that nothing was enough and I have done much in this life, nothing was enough until I came to what I did, and living that is the only thing there is.
Even teaching is not enough for me, it has very little meaning to me. I know it has much meaning for the disciples but for me I know that only living this, being this … has any meaning, has any fulfilment for me. All else is just a lie … but this is me, this is what I found in my longing and I am not selling this to you, for it can’t be sold, but I believe this is the answer for anyone who comes to this point.
But this has very little value as you have to come to it for yourself. You have to take that journey and meditate and find it for yourself … and when you find it, half of the journey is done. When you come to that maturity, you are almost there, then your whole energy that is not stuck with desire will turn towards it, towards what is needed to be lived…
For now your energy is with all kinds of fantasies, it’s moving here and there, so this longing is just a longing of some idea and some speculation, it’s not a fact. It’s a dreaming state. It’s a desire of a projected fulfilment, as how you think that if you are at a beach you will be happy; it’s a speculation on your part.
When this is not there, when this movement of fantasy or speculation is not there, then you can rest in you, you can rest in what is. In this state of rest with what is, a longing happens and this longing is the longing of the greater fulfilment of your own being, your own truth. In this, the longing for that truth or enlightenment becomes real, till then only a fantasy is there, and this leads to misery always.