Dear Master,
Could you please give us some insight about the mechanism of becoming, and about the self-improving mind and how to enter just being? How to not care about the state of the self?
I’ve been trying to understand what keeps me in this constant state of struggle and tension and it seems that not only I am deeply caught in trying to fix and improve myself, to become better than the self I have become, and then I also play the blame game, mostly with myself, and with life, for how I am and how my life is. All seems to be an escape mechanism, but it comes to the fact I don’t know how to be, and I am avoiding facing how I have created how I am and how my life is. But I am still blind and can't see, and keep repeating this loop of struggle of self-improving and escaping.
Please Master show me how I am keeping this blindness and struggle in place, how is it that I continue to deceive myself?
Thank you Master,
At your feet,
Valerie
Posted by: Ma Prem Prema Prajna (Valerie) Category: Meditation Dialogues: 4
Dear Master,
Thank you, this helps, I'm starting to see this much more clearly.
When I watch this, it seems that the root of this is fear. When I attempt to suspend judgment, what I come to is panic, fear, feeling out of control, and along that is the fear of being nothing, nobody, of being completely alone. And this forms a loop, because as soon as the fear comes in, then it loops back to a reaction of defending, fighting, trying to be in control, trying to be somebody and all the judgements and subtle aggression that come with that. And then again this same thing bounces back at me and again the reaction loops.
This is where I’ve been failing. How to interrupt, suspend, cancel out these loops? Or perhaps how to go beyond the fear? Or is it to keep allowing, more and more, being nothing and alone? I’m not clear on what the right question is here.
Thank you again Master,
Valerie
Posted by: Ma Prem Prema Prajna (Valerie)
Thank you Master.
Posted by: Ma Prem Prema Prajna (Valerie)